Weekly update #4

It is belated but this week’s update is here.

This is another week of anxiety. It is nearly time for my next scan and that always gives me a big spike. At first I was worried about whether the scan would be approved in time. In July when I last had this kind of scan it took many weeks of calls and waiting to make it happen; I only knew for sure that it was on an hour before it was time to start my drive. But the same day that worry started I got the letter from my insurance that it had been approved.

After that was resolved I wondered why I was still so riled up. Was it just a habit at this point? Then today I said it out loud – I left my doctor as I got the news from the last scan that my cancer changed from curable to treatable. I haven’t yet had a conversation with my primary doctor about the plan. And I finally get to ask those questions – what are we doing for the rest of this year and what are the possibilities for the longer term? Of course I’m full of stress and worries. I have a rough idea of what is likely from discussions with nurses and other doctors but it will be big to have an official discussion.

I started a scary and exciting project today. I’m working with Austin Classical Guitar to write a song about my cancer. They have a similar program for pregnant moms to write lullabies for their babies, and I’m the trial run for introducing this program at a new cancer center in town. I was nervous when I went to the first meeting but it was so productive and thrilling. I’m ruminating for the next week and then we get to start working on the music.

And of course, it’s mid-September so the crafting instincts have kicked in. Hoping to knock out a couple big projects in the next month. It’s nice to feel well enough to set and expect to make progress on non-essential goals.

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