Weekly Update #21

I have felt grumpy this whole week. I think a lot of it is willpower depletion and frustration around the need to resist the urges my body is sending.

This chemo comes with a combo of numb tongue and loss of taste, as well as nausea if I drink too much at a time. The combination means that my usual favorite drink of water is highly unpalatable. When I drink I feel the absence of part of my tongue and it is disconcerting. My brain wants me to drink a giant fountain Sprite, it is sure that this will be so hydrating and refreshing. And while there are certainly worse things, I should really be drinking that much water, not soda.

My body is filled with other cravings right now, too. Not for the kind of food that will fuel my body and help me feel better, but for the fat and sugar and salt that will cut through my numb tongue and let me taste something. And I have these cravings every other week and I am so tired of trying to resist them and make good choices.

The pain that I am luckily mostly free of these days is the type that says “Stop stop stop if you keep going you will seriously injure yourself”, but that signal is a lie. It gets better with use. It goes away if I keep at it. But it’s so hard to keep going when your body is signaling so clearly that what you’re doing is bad for you.

And frankly, just showing up for chemo is taking willpower these days. I’m so tired of the up and down. It’s disorienting and dizzying. I feel always just off, unable to find my footing. I guess this is my work these days, to figure out how to be in this ever changing space and be okay with it.

8 thoughts on “Weekly Update #21

  1. Brains – they try to trick us constantly. I don’t have cancer but water isn’t usually my favorite, but if I put some lime juice (fresh with some pulp is nice but the stuff in the plastic bottles works for me, too) it certainly helps me drink it down. I wonder if something like that would help, if you don’t have sores in your mouth or anything that would be incompatible with extra vitamin c.

    Thinking of you during this grumpy, mixed-up week.

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  2. Hang in there!

    Are you able to use any sort of lozenge to help you deal with the taste issues?

    I’m thinking of when one of my meds gave me severe dry mouth while I was dealing with a loss of taste (zinc deficiency). Some dry mouth lozenges helped a bit.

    So long as you keep your electrolytes balanced, might you have an occasional cup of broth? Even the low sodium type tastes rather salty.

    Just brainstorming some ideas for you. I hope it helps.

    P.S. This is Rayna from Rav 🙂

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  3. I’m sorry the side effects are grumpy-making. I hope they subside soon and you get some soul refueling in your off week – crafting? Tasty foods you can taste? Why not both?!?

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  4. My tongue does the same. Sweet things really hit the spot. I try to make bananas and peanut butter a go-to. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than doughnuts.

    I also get a ton of use from our soda stream. It’s not Sprite, but the bubbles help.

    Remember, you aren’t alone and lots of folks are rooting for you.

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    • I often eat a lot of fruit during this week because it’s sweet enough to taste and the high water content means I’m getting more hydration.

      I do have some seltzer in the pantry that I should dig out and give a try.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Does a little orange or lemon zest in the seltzer water sound good? I used to save mine in ice cubes.

        Thinking of you.

        And I listen to your beautiful song a lot.

        – Rayna

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