Weekly Update #29

Use it or lose it has been a theme for me lately. A frustrating, disappointing, taunting theme.

I currently have three injuries I am working on rehabbing. On my left side, sciatica and aching ribs. On my right side neck muscles so tight I wake up lopsided. The ribs and neck, in particular, have been getting worse each chemo round, as my sick/tired posture seems to be the source of these injuries. So I have to deal with them, or continue to become more gnarled two weeks at a time.

I went through menopause as a result of my initial treatment. For a long time I’ve joked that it’s one of the few benefits of cancer, but in reality it has a bunch of downsides. I’m on the road to osteoporosis, and the lack of estrogen has bummer side effects. So I have to supplement now, or risk losing the ability to be intimate with my husband.

I am mad that I require so much maintenance. This body has already lost so many abilities, and now I have hours of work to do each week to keep what I have left. I have gotten serious about it during these two weeks that I have the most energy that I’ve had all year . . . how will I keep it up when I inevitably feel rotten again? Currently it is fear that’s driving me, but that’s not a good motivator long-term. I used to love exercise, but these activities don’t feel good or set off many endorphins.

This is why I call myself a full-time sick person, I have to devote most of my time to simply caring for my ailing body. Maybe I’ll try some tactics from when I could work full-time – setting a schedule or using a Pomodoro timer. Maybe I can make these into goals instead of obligations, ways to see progress in a life that feels like a slow decline. If I figure it out I will definitely share, and if not you’ll hear about what hasn’t worked for me.

2 thoughts on “Weekly Update #29

  1. It seriously stinks having to cater to illness/disease so much. I so feel that! I have a very rare combination of copper and zinc deficiencies that got to the point of being critical before we figured out a treatment plan. The copper deficiency can cause permanent neurological damage. The zinc deficiency can cause my body to stop doing stuff like metabolize protein, heal, manage muscle activity, etc. I’m over 300 infusions in, with no end in sight. Every 28 days I have 7 infusions over 5 days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for a diagnosis, treatment plan, and my amazing medical team. But I’m tired. So, I get it. And I’m proud of you, and rooting for you, and hopeful for you. šŸ’—

    Like

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