Last week I was so eager to start my new chemo regimen until it snuck up on me and actually happened. It went much better than I expected, thankfully. I made it through without any allergic reaction and the aftermath of this regimen is easier on me than my old one. I was back to being awake a couple days earlier, and getting back two days of energy every two weeks is a big deal.
I have been able to be more active lately and I am enjoying it. My medications make me extra sun-sensitive so my giant sun hat and I are enjoying walks around the neighborhood. Last night my daughter and I met up with friends for an after dinner swim and it was so delightful, I want to do more of that this summer! I can feel the difference in my pain and energy levels when I am able to keep up even light exercise so I am trying to stay motivated to keep it up.
Speaking of my pain, it has been gone since chemo last week. This has happened before, we guess that the steroids I get before chemo also reduce the inflammation that is bugging me. I am still doing PT and I have a meeting with a local pain doctor next week, but I am hopeful that perhaps regular chemo steroids plus activity could keep things in check and I can avoid lots of pain meds or a steroid injection.
The combination of feeling good, having energy, and not being in pain – and still having a week until my next chemo – is very unfamiliar. I feel like I have been just barely keeping up since I started on Folfiri in December. To be able to take a breath, to have energy that I get to choose where to direct, I am finding it confusing. I feel frustrated that I am not getting things done, and also at a loss for what it is I am supposed to be accomplishing. I find goals hard these days – I like to set them and make plans to accomplish them and I don’t know how to amble towards them, accept non-linear progress towards them. I don’t know how much to push myself when all in isn’t an option. I guess I need to spend some time sitting and figuring out what it is I do want to work on this summer.