Last week started out tough, with having to wait for my scan results, but ended on such a high after getting great news. I noticed that it was really different for me to share the news digitally versus in person. I sincerely appreciated the outpouring of love here and on Instagram, but I felt pretty overwhelmed and numb in those conversations. I was able to see a number of friends this weekend and sharing with them face to face was much more emotional. It helped that time had passed and I was more able to process the information.
I am six weeks into working out with my trainer and I am noticing the effects more in daily life. It is easier to get up off the ground without using my hands – it used to be a struggle for my leg muscles but they’re clearly stronger now. I also notice it in my posture, which tends to be terrible. I am noticing my positioning more often and able to improve it for longer periods of time. These are the sorts of things that will make a difference for me in maintaining independence and mobility as long/much as possible so I’m really pleased to see these kinds of results.
I talked a big game about writing my morning pages last week, but as soon as the stress and fear surrounding my scan hit I stopped them and haven’t restarted. In those times of overwhelm I find myself frozen, and I avoid the kind of self-care that could help ease things. It feels too hard to feel any of those feelings so I try to feel nothing at all. It’s a habit I’m slowly trying to address and I am looking into taking a meditation course this fall that is specifically about these skills.
I’m ready to get back to my treatment this week and keep destroying more of this cancer.