Weekly Update #46

I’m not going to bury the lede here – my scan results came in last week and they were good! Yet again my tumors are stable or smaller in size and there’s no new cancer. I get to stay on this regimen that is working for my cancer and my life until our next reevaluation around Thanksgiving.

Yet again getting the results was such a starkly positive contrast to my previous experiences. My doctor said she could see that I was stressed when she walked in the room and could call me with scan results as soon as they have them. I decided to stick with what we do now, which is meet right after the big team of lots of specialists chats about my case. I’d rather know the results and the plan at once. I really appreciated that they want to minimize scanxiety as much as possible, though. My doctor also noticed that I was scheduled to get my next treatment the week before my birthday and offered to push it out a week. Those little details are the things that make me feel so taken care of as a patient.

The less fun news is a follow-up to my port. I had a dye study done and it confirmed what we suspected – the port is broken and will need to be replaced. I’m waiting on that procedure to be scheduled and am glad to have that extra week before we need to use it at my next chemo. I am also a little bummed about the port replacement because it means I can’t come off my blood thinner shots yet – I had gotten the go-ahead but now I have to wait until after the replacement to switch to an oral blood thinner. Soon my poor stomach will be free of bruises.

I’ve started my meditation course and as I feared/expected, it is going to be intense for me. I am doing the course because I want to confront the intense feelings I so deftly ignore, but looking hard stuff in the face is tough. My teacher and I talked about it in advance and I’m prepared for lots of self-care to get me through it, and using the skills I already have of knowing what is and isn’t safe for me to confront at any given point.

Now that the school year has started I am putting a lot of my extra energy into my daughter’s school and I am really enjoying it. I’m volunteering at the library a couple times a week and am going to do some tasks for her teacher when she needs an extra hand. Being sick means I cannot always show up for my daughter in the ways she wants, and it feels like the time at her school is helping her feel better about me being there when I can.

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