Weekly Update #54

Last time I talked about going off an antibiotic I was taking to manage the rash that is common on my regimen. The rash has shown up big time, but in a weird presentation I have it in my armpit spreading down to the side of my breast and ribs. It doesn’t hurt or itch, luckily, but if it were on my face I probably would go back on the antibiotic because it truly is unsightly.

Have I mentioned the most surprising side effect of this treatment? My eyelashes are incredibly long now. The top ones look like I am wearing fake lashes and the bottom ones are long and curly. I have to comb them daily to keep them out of my eyes.

My energy and my mood have been low the past few weeks. Last week was the anniversary of my hardest chemo ever, the closest I have ever been to being hospitalized by treatment, and my body responded with an echo of those awful symptoms last week. And two years ago I was suffering from my most heinous side effect, one that I still find unspeakable here, and days away from the surgery that traded that agony for a less terrible quality of life reduction. I remember so clearly from last year how awful I felt, and wondering if each subsequent Christmas for the rest of my life would be worse. I suspect that these anniversaries are the cause for my current blahs, and as I write about it I am remembering the meditation course I just finished and how I can help myself with those tools. I had hoped that the course would make that connection automatic, but it takes longer than eight weeks to stop your brain from jumping to the habits you developed trying to protect yourself.

I also had my first bad long run this weekend. It was supposed to be 9.5 miles and about 7.5 miles in my heart rate felt super high. I incorporated more walking, finally giving up on running entirely, and was unable to bring it down. I had to call my husband to pick me up just .3 miles from the end of my route. It was so disappointing to get so close, but my vision was starting to go black at the edges when he got there so it was clearly the right call. I’m not entirely sure what went wrong, I know that sometimes you just have a bad run, so I have some ideas to try for next time but am hopeful it was just a fluke.

This week is my last chemo for the year! I am ready to get it out of the way and then feel good for the Christmas and New Year’s holidays with my family!

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