I cannot believe that I missed my cancer-versary last week – the anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. It was 5 years, an important milestone I had long dreamed of celebrating. When you first get diagnosed and immediately search survival statistics, they are all phrased as percentage of those diagnosed still alive 5 years later. So 5 years becomes this magic number in your head. Here I am, still alive 5 years later. The bigger celebration for me will be next year when I get to 5 years since realizing I had stage 4 cancer. The survival rates are incredibly different (by literally an order of magnitude) and I truly thought it would be a miracle for me to reach 5 years of stage 4. But it’s going to happen next year. And this year I have made it to 5 years since I was ever diagnosed. Like last year, I am incredibly proud of having made it this far. Of the luck and putting up with unpleasantness that has allowed me to make it another year sick and alive.
This week has been an eventful one. I upped my dose on Tuesday of last week to the full dose of Stivarga and just a few days later had the experience where you message the office about a side effect and the doctor is calling you 10 minutes later. Eek. I was having a decent amount of blood show up on my pads, which is not normal, and is a risky side effect of this drug. My doctor immediately took me off the drug for the rest of the week and then told me to take the following rest week as normal.
I went in-person today to see my doctor. She said that I looked okay, much better than my last in-person visit where I was kind of droopy with dehydration. We had a nurse from the Gynecological Oncology team join us and do an internal exam. Unfortunately she was not able to find the source of the bleeding. So, that means I need to go for a vaginal ultrasound later this week to see if it reveals anything. That said, the nurse didn’t actually see any fresh blood and my oncologist took that as heartening and said that next week I can start on the middle dose of Stivarga, pending bloodwork on Monday showing that everything looks good.
I’m also currently taking a break from my blood thinner to really cut off any bleeding that may be happening and allow it to clot and stop before we start me back up on this medicine. I followed up with my cardiologist today and he said my heart looks really healthy and strong.
Overall I am doing okay. I have a lot of fatigue, I think I could easily sleep 16 hours a day and I spend a lot of time trying to fight off falling asleep in my chair. So I am going to prioritize naps and physical movement, both of which can help boost energy. I have some suggestions for some of the other side effects I have going on.
My recent joy is that I was part of a group of women that arranged an anti-racism march that went really well. We were happy with the turnout and the energy at the event – really positive. It was great to see our idea become real and to see the number of people who wanted to show up and affirm the same values as us.